I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
