What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
