So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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