She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it's like iHOP with fire
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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