That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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