you traded sex for a burrito?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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