I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
