I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
