I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
