sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
