Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
