I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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