I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
