Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
