you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
