Who did Billy Mays play for?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
