piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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