Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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