I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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