We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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