Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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