not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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