I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
