It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize