She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize