dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
