alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
