"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
