It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
