well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize