I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
