I wish life had little blips of pornography
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
