Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
