3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
