When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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