yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
