i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
