we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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