She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
