It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
