i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
