Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
