I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
