i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
