hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
