Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize