Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
