forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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