You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
