it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
