so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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