Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
