is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
