I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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