I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
