I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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