How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
