Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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