So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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