Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
