I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
