i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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