HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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