***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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