somebody snuck up and got me drunk
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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