We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
