a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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